2014-7-24 EXCLUSIVE: Andreja Pejic Is in Her Own Skin for the Very First Time ✍

How do you identify?

I identify as a female.

你對性別的認同是?

我是個女人。

 

How did you identify before the sexual reassignment surgery?

I figured out who I was very early on—actually, at the age of 13, with the help of the Internet—so I knew that a transition, becoming a woman, was always something I needed to do. But it wasn’t possible at the time, and I put it off, and androgyny became a way of expressing my femininity without having to explain myself to people too much. Especially to my peers [who] couldn’t understand things like “trans” and gender identity. And then obviously the modeling thing came up, and I became this androgynous male model, and that was a big part of my growing up and my self-discovery. But I always kept in mind that, ultimately, my biggest dream was to be a girl. I wasn’t ready to talk about it before in a public way because I was scared that I would not be understood. I didn’t know if people would like me. But now I’m taking that step because I’m a little older—I’m 22—and I think my story can help people. My goal is to give a human face to this struggle, and I feel like I have a responsibility.

 

還沒動手術前,你怎麼定義你自己?

在我13歲時我就清楚明白我自己了, 透過網路,我知道自己的可以動手術成為一個女人,這是我遲早會去做的事。不過當時的情況不是一個很好的時間點,我就暫時放下這個念頭，雌雄莫辨的風格，展現了我女性化特質同時也不必對他人解釋太多。──特別是身邊無法理解"變性人"或性別認同的人。後來我的模特生涯就展開了,我成一個雌雄莫辯的男模,這也是我自我探索的一段重要歷程。而我始終知道的事,我最大的夢想就是成為一個女孩。我以前沒打算公開這件事,因為我很怕人們會無法理解、人們會不會不喜歡我。但我現22歲了,長大了,我覺得自己的故事能夠幫助別人。對於這個族群,我覺得我自己有這個責任。

 

You seem to have had a firm understanding of your identity at an early age. Was growing up as a boy difficult?

Gender dysphoria is never an easy thing to live with, mainly because people don’t understand it. For most of my childhood, I knew that I preferred all things feminine, but I didn’t know why. I didn’t know that there was an explanation. I didn’t know about the possibilities. And then I went on sort of a boyhood campaign from age 9 to about 13. I tried to be a “normal” boy because I felt like my options were either to be a gay boy or a straight boy. I didn’t feel that I was gay, so I didn’t know that there were any other options until the age of 13, when I went online and discovered that there’s a whole community of trans people out there. There are doctors, there’s medical care, there’s research, and that was an eye-opener for me. From that day on, I knew what I had to do.

 

你很早就對自己的性別有了確切的明瞭。做為一個男生長大是否更加辛苦?

帶著性別認同的狀況生活著是件不容易的事。最大的原因是人們的不瞭解。小時候,我就很喜歡很多女孩子氣的東西,當時我不明白這是為什麼,我不知道這原來能有一個解釋。9-13歲時是我努力做個男孩的時候。我試圖做個"正常的男孩",因為我以為我要不是同性戀就是異性戀。雖然我不覺得自己是同性戀,但我不知道這有其它的可能性。直到13遂透過網路,知道了跨性族群。有醫療人員和研究資訊,這大大拓展我的視野。從那天起,我知道這就是我遲早會做的事。

 

Some people write off SRS as a purely cosmetic surgery. Can you speak a little bit about that, and why it’s not the case?

Yeah, a lot of people view it as a plastic procedure, like you go to a surgeon and say, “Oh, I want to be a woman.” It’s so much more complicated than that. You have to get a psychiatric evaluation, which I started at the age of 13. I started seeing psychiatrists, and then I stopped when I started modeling, and I started again about a year and a half ago. But medical attention is crucial for any trans person because it helps you figure out who you are. You go through some really strict testing before you’re even allowed to have the surgery.

 

有些人認為SRS只是一種整容手術。你可以談一談這當中的差異性嗎?

很多人以為這跟整容差不多,好像你只要跑去找醫生說:"喔,我想當女人。"就可以了。但事實上這要更複雜。你必須經過精神鑑定,而我從13歲開始就在做精神鑑定了,只是成為模特時,我暫時停止了。直到約一年半前才又開始，這種醫療程序對於跨性者是非常重要的,這可以幫你找到你自己。在接受手術前,你要經過很多嚴格的評估。

 

Are there any other myths you’d like to debunk? Or is there anything else you want the general public to understand about SRS and transgender people?

I would like them to understand that we are people. We’re human beings, and this is a human life. This is reality for us, and all we ask for is acceptance and validation for what we say that we are. It’s a basic human right.

 

還有什麼其它誤解或看法是妳想終結的？或者，妳希望大眾對ＳＲＳ和變性人有什麼樣的瞭解？

我只希望大家能夠瞭解我們也是人。跟你們大家一樣都是人，我們跟你們的生命是一樣的。對我們而言，變性是一條既定的路，而我們所要求的,就是希望大家能接納和認可我們的模樣。這是基本的人權。

 

You’ve legally changed your name from Andrej to Andreja. Why was that important to you?

I added an “a” because it’s not a full transformation —it’s just an evolution. I thought about whether I should change it or not for a while. In the West, Andrej isn’t really a masculine name. But I think [the name change] is something that my mom really wanted because, traditionally, Andrej is a Christian Orthodox name, and in that religion, it’s definitely a male name. So I kept the “j” and added an “a,” which actually becomes a name that I don’t think exists. But I wanted to keep the “j” because that’s me. That’s my name.

 

你把名字改成了,這對你有什麼意義?

我在名字加上了一個"a",是因為這不是一個徹頭徹尾的轉變,只是一種進化。我對是否要更改名字思考了很久。在西方Andrej並不算是一個男生名。但對我媽媽來說這很重要,因為在傳統的東正教地區,Andrej確實是個男性名字。因此我保留了"j",再增添了"a"作為字尾,這並不是一個本來存在的名字。但我想保留"j",我想保留原有的名字。因為這是我的一部份。

 

How did your modeling agents react when you told them you were having SRS?

It’s been an interesting experience. I had the surgery early this year, and I told my men’s agent at DNA about two weeks before the operation. I just said, “This is what’s happening,” because I didn’t want anything to stop me. I had decided. And then recently, I had a meeting with the women’s [team], and they’ve been very positive about moving from the men’s board to the women’s board, which is amazing. It’s something I guess no one’s ever done.

 

經紀公司對你要動手術有什麼看法?

這很有趣。年初我動完了手術。我是在大約2個禮拜前告訴我美國的經紀公司DNA,我告訴我的經紀人,我要動手術。我只說"這是遲早會發生的事。"而且也沒有任何事能阻礙我。最近,我跟女模部門開會,他們樂於把我從男模移動到女模那,這很驚人,我想以前不曾發生過這種事。

Weren’t you on both the men’s and women’s boards before the surgery?

Actually, all over the world I was, but not in New York. I guess the American market isn’t as progressive.

 

手術前,你不是同時被列入男女模?

我在全球的經紀公司都是唯獨美國例外。我想美國市場還是比較保守些。

 

 

How do you feel your transition from an androgynous male model to a female model will impact your career?

I hope everything goes well. [SRS] was a personal decision. I took this step, and I said to myself, My career is just going to have to fall into place around it. So I hope that I can continue my success. I think I’ve shown that I have skills as a model, and those skills don’t just go away. I’ve had experience. I’ve been around the block.

 

你覺得從一個雌雄莫辨的男模到跨性成為女模會給你的模特工作帶來什麼影響?

我希望一切順遂。這只是一個個人決定。我告訴我自己,既然已經跨出了這一步,一定也要讓工作適應這樣的轉變。我希樣我能繼續保持我的成功。過去我也證明了作為模特的專業能力.我想我的這些經驗和能力並不會憑空消失。

 

Androgyny and the transgender community seem to be at the center of the cultural and, more specifically, the fashion conversation at the moment. Hood by Air by Shayne Oliver, who enlisted voguers to model at the Fall ’14 show, is a prime example. Where do you think this focus on the transgender community is coming from?

The trend of androgyny and the exploration of trans beauty started around 2010, and that’s when Lea T and I both started [modeling]. Everyone was kind of saying, “Oh, it’s just a trend, it’s going to go away,” and it hasn’t. I think that’s because it represents a social layer of people who feel that they don’t want to conform to traditional forms of gender—who feel traditional forms of gender are outdated. That social base feeds the trend, and it feeds the exploration in fashion.

中性和跨性似乎變成流行文化的焦點.時尚圈似乎更是如此。Hood by Air by Shayne Oliver在2014年秋冬展就請來許多voguers。妳認為跨性者議題被這樣關注是怎麼形成的?

2010年左右,變性和中性風格就成為一股趨勢,那時Lea T和我都剛入行沒多久。每個人都說:"那只是一時的風潮罷了"但很顯然不是。我認為這是因為人們對於傳統性別不在那麼有刻板印象。而這成為了一個基礎,並進一步在時尚界發酵。

 

Do you feel the fashion industry has been welcoming and supportive throughout your career?

I got my success very quickly, and the media attention has been pretty positive. People like Jean Paul Gaultier, Carine Roitfeld, and Juergen Teller have been extremely supportive. But my biggest challenge was to not always be pigeonholed, and also to make [androgyny] commercially successful, because when I started, it was such a new thing. Still, there are a lot of roadblocks, particularly when working with cosmetic brands or perfumes or those sort of commercial, corporate things. It’s been more difficult to break into that world than “fashion” because it hasn’t been done before. They don’t have any market research, and people in that world aren’t risk takers. You have to prove to them over and over that you are liked by people, you have a skill, and you can sell a product.

 

時尚圈是不是一直都歡迎並支持著妳的出現?

我成功的很快,媒體的關注絕對是一大主因。而Jean Paul Gaultier, Carine Roitfeld, and Juergen Teller 他們一直都很支持我。但我最大的挑戰就是不要被分類貼標籤,[雌雄莫辨]確實是很成功,剛開始這是很新奇。但也因此得不到香水、化妝品之類的代言,這類型的廠商還有很大的關卡得去突破。他們也比較保守也不曾用過我這類型的代言人,你得像他們證明你有人氣有本事能撐起這個商品。

 

Is landing a beauty campaign something you aspire to do?

It’s a goal for any model! It would be cray cray. But we’ll see. I’m happy to keep doing what I love, and for me it’s like I’m already living the dream.

 

妳一定很渴望能代言美妝品牌囉?

這絕對適任何模特的目標! 能成真的話絕對很瘋狂，但也只能拭目以待。我很高興還能繼續做我喜歡的事,同時也讓夢想中的生活成真。

 

Have you had any experiences in castings, etc., that have been particularly frustrating?

Oh, yeah, especially in the beginning, when I first moved to London. It was like, I’d walk into the boys’ casting, and they were like, “No…you don’t belong here.” And then at the girls’ casting, they were like, “Why are they sending us boys?” So it took time for everyone to get on board. It wasn’t all sweet sailing.

 

過去的模特生涯中有沒有讓妳特別沮喪的經驗?

有,特別是我剛到倫敦開始時。我去面試男模的工作,而他們只覺,"不對...你走錯地方了。"面試女模的工作,則變成"為何他們推薦一個男模過來?" 我花了很長的時間讓人們適應我的存在。開始時並不是一帆風順的。

 

What do you think the fashion industry can do to further embrace the transgender community?

It would be lovely to live in a world where trans-female models were treated as female models, and trans-male models were treated the same as male models, rather than being a niche commodity. I think that that is the biggest struggle in all this. It’s almost like African-American models back in the nineties. It was like, “Oh, you can do this, but you can’t do that. You can do runway, but no print.” So I think that’s what needs to change.

 

你覺得時尚界會不會進步對跨性更開放?

如果變性女模被視為女模,變性男模被視為男模,而不是卡在中間的另一個群體。 我想這是一條漫長道路。這就像是90年代的黑人模特不也如此。像是"你能這麼做,喔,你不可以這麼做。你可以走秀上伸展台,但抱歉你不能做平面工作。"我想這就是時尚圈需要改變。

 

When I first met you last year, you already seemed like a pretty confident individual. Do you feel more comfortable—or more you— since having the SRS?

I think from my teenage years, when I decided I needed to express my femininity, I was happy with the way I looked. But SRS is kind of the last part—it’s sort of the icing on the cake. It makes me feel freer than ever. Now I can stand naked in front of a mirror and really enjoy my reflection. And those personal moments are important.

 

去年見到你時,覺得你是對自己有自信的人。 SRS是否讓你感到對自己更舒適?

我想從我十幾歲確定自己的方向,我就一直很滿意自己的樣貌。SRS則給了我另一個美好的樣貌。這讓我比過往任何時刻都要更有自信心。現在赤身裸體站在鏡子前,我很享受靜子裡的自己。這種私人的小小時光給我很重要的感覺。

 

But you’ve always been gorgeous. Did you not enjoy your reflection before?

Not fully naked.

 

妳一直都光彩耀人,難道妳以前完全不喜歡自己赤裸時的模樣嗎?

赤身裸體時完全沒有。

 

I know you’re close with your mom. Has she been supportive throughout this transition?

I came out to my mom at the age of 14. She didn’t understand it at first, but she’s been very supportive since.

 

我知道妳跟妳媽媽很親。對於這一切她一直都很支持?

14歲時我跟我媽坦白時,她並不明白。儘管如此她始終支持我。

 

Has going through this transition as a public figure been very difficult?

There’s a difference between coming out to your family and close friends, and coming out to the whole world and opening yourself up to judgment. When I was younger, I just wasn’t ready for that. Even now, it’s hard to navigate. I try to concentrate on myself and what I really need, but there are so many other factors that go into it. You have to figure out timing, you have to figure out agencies. Public perception influences that. It’s a lot of pressure, and modeling is a lot of pressure anyway. I think most models have to live up to something, and they struggle with that. So to have that on top of this, there have definitely been difficult moments.

 

作為一個知名的變性人士是不是很辛苦?

對自己的親朋好友坦白是一回事,但面對整個世界又是另一回事。過往,我只是還沒做好準備。但現在路也不容易走,我得試著辨別什麼才是我真正需要的,但即便如此還是得考量很多因素。你得把時間點弄清楚,還有經紀公司。還有大眾的看法。這都是很大的壓力,而模特的工作本身就是一個壓力。我想大多數的模特都會面臨自我掙扎又得不辜負他人的期待. 這種種一切,都有困難的時刻。

 

If I may ask, how do you think the SRS will impact your personal and romantic life? Is that something you’re excited about exploring?

Yeah, I’m very happy with this new situation, and I’m happy to keep exploring.

 

恕我冒昧的請問,妳覺得SRS會如何影響妳的感情狀況,妳期待日後的感情生活嗎?

我很滿意這個新樣貌,也樂於探索我接下來的感情生活。

 

Are you dating anyone?

No, I’m single. I’m open to love, so I’m taking some time off for myself now. I think that’s necessary. We’ll see. But you know, I feel more comfortable than ever, more confident than ever, and I’m ready to face the world.

 

現在是否有交往對象?

沒有,我單身。我期待接下的戀情,但我想我現在只想給自己一段時間。我想這是必要的。至於感情,我拭目以待。但我確實比以往任何時候都感到更自信和舒適,最重要的事我已經準備好面對這個世界了。

 

Photos: Giampaolo Sgura for Ailvian Heach; Yannis Vlamos/GoRunway.com; Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott for Vogue Paris; Dusan Reljin; Tony Duran

 

http://www.style.com/stylefile/2014/07/andreja-pejic-sexual-reassignment-sur

 

還是照例得說,可能會有理解錯誤,而翻譯不正確的地方。

這真的是條漫長的旅程.看到Andreja說以前從不喜歡自己裸露時的模樣就覺得心疼。

然後這篇其實從8/4開始翻譯,結果斷斷續續的到今天8/7才完成。但還是覺得自己翻得很粗糙和有些簡短。